(Seriously? That's why you should remember these funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for the next time the question pops up: If you have no idea what degree you're going to get or where you want to live in the future, pretend that you have something big planned, but don't want to ruin the surprise. Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). 126 followers. Nothing much. It takes a bit of confidence to state clearly and categorically what you want and then ask someone else to join in that thing, and not everyone has that degree of confidence. "It's happening.". I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. You're going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble .) Im well aware of that risk. Folding the dishes. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. I feel like its somewhat related to not saying no also). Good enough. I myself often do not care what Im eating because FOOD, but even if I have zero preference as to the restaurant, I will engage in the decision making process in order to help the other person out, and also because it gets us to food that much faster. I actually have an answer for this one. Follow. Id like to do a bit better with my own kids. People here are talking about changing a norm, but you have in fact learned the norm correctly, and Im sure this whole conversation feels like slipping sand beneath your feet. Shes right to find it othering and exhausting. Whats shes for is waiting on and attending to others, and without an opportunity to do that, she must be sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark. In the age of smartphones I also often find that my calendar is inside the device Im holding up to my ear In theory I could ask them to pause the conversation while I check the calendar, but I havent yet found a script to actually get them to stop talking while I do that. Its also tripping flags in your head, which is infinitely more important. Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Example: What are you doing? I love organizing events and I confess to having asked that annoying question several times, mostly in order to know if a particular friend I would love to invite is available on that date. For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. I always answer with [local Canadian area], because its 1) true and 2) not at all the answer theyre fishing for (although I sometimes? Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. It means people will help you less, go out of their way for you less, give you poorer recommendations for your next job, and on and on. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. Of course, you might have said that when you know that movie will be out for weeks and youd absolutely prefer to have an excuse to build a couch cushion fort and have an audience who is actually impressed by your terrible magic tricks, and no one wins. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. And in my experience, parents of adult children dont assign their childrens plans (and wishes) the same priority as their own plans (and wishes). Would it be possible for you in [date]. Theres an element of contempt to it, that this is what you would be doing with your time. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). IDK. But Im not interested in any work-related socializing that eats into my personal life). Justit can be a lot sometimes. Everyone else usually stops after the how-are-yous are exchanged. Jumping from Are you doing anything on the 3rd? to I need to know if youre coming on the 3rd so I know how many pies to bake! would be really confusing. I"m not done loving you!" 7) "It's Friday bitches!! Could be specific to where I am, though. But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. If the person you're talking to has seen Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog, they'll appreciate the joke. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. Do not copy, print, or repost entire posts elsewhere without written permission. But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. Especially since they explicitly mention friends, relatives, and people on dating sites. I sympathize. Them We need to have lunch soon Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. My belief is that its easier to layer politeness onto a firm foundation of self-aware no than it is to find no after being trained to be obliging. If you both talk about what to do in the garden (I know you probably dont own one, its an example), is it a conversation like I want to plant radishes Well, I want to plant flowers Fine, then we plant one half with flowers of your choice and one half with radishes and everyone waters everything? Theyre almost certainly not trying to pry into information you consider private! 3. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. To be honest, not good. Based on your listed interests, it looks like we have a lot in common. *Both of which are also used as shorthand for all the things you need to get done before you can do the thing you actually intend to do, which is often an accurate description of my evenings. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. I find looking out for the people who cause difficulty when things dont go their way, is more useful than trying to figure out all the numerous different ways common interactions could be interpreted and trying to use the right one for every situation. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. Why not? It helps that at this point in my life Ive stopped associating with people who dont understand that sometimes you can only have so much fun and then you need some time to like, open all your mail and pet the cat. Thats a way it can work, certainly, but why is it magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with no input if the person who first said lets hang out is then suggesting a time or activity, but something other than magically guessing if the person who first said lets hang out and is told yeah, we should is the one saying Saturdays are good for me, how about you? or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther? She got like that by working three times as hard as everyone else and being three times as smart as everyone else. I honestly dont know how young people are functioning as well as they are, given that. I dont think my friends are trying to put me on the spot at all. Vacuuming the cat or shaving the yak* or something. Ive found that Why do you ask? comes across as a little cold or accusatory over text, but can be really warm/ friendly in person or over the phone. It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. You: Yeah, we should. The conversation can go like this either way and be appropriate and you not be on the spot either way. My usual caveat- I am a very private person who others sometimes describe as off-putting and I perform the expected feminine social role like an ill-fitting plastic Halloween costume. As in, What are you doing? is another way of asking What are your hobbies?. Or Good luck. Then Ill say Whats up? or Whats going on then? or What did you have in mind?. Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. I have close friends that Ive been upfront with and say Im totally a hermit, but I do like to be invited to events and will make them sporadically. People use it for all sorts of reasons. Why do I feel entitled to some assistance or attention from the 24-year-old who lives in my home, taking up space, who pays nothing and does no chores (because shes too unreliable, and Id just be nagging at her, or doing them for her and pissing her off)? And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. But its also true I can (usually) reorganize my schedule enough to accommodate plans I want to attend. Youve made such a long-term investment in your child already why put the future relationship at such risk? Im planning an event on Day, are you free? (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) Thats just how some people ask I suppose. Oh, the usual, you? A: I'm planning to just take it easy. You're still implying you have a lot going on, but you're demonstrating that you're handling it. But the female-seeming among us get hit with that kind of weirdly-broken thinking by our families and others endlessly in American and other western cultures. Its not even really pushback. It never occurred to me to take this question literally. Instead, choose from these five replies. Must say I kinda love your kids response. She gets what crowds people like and is on point with inviting me to the right events. Now the only person allowed to see my personal calendar is my husband, who is completely uninterested. Busy busy busy! Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. And its hard to argue with. I moved out from my parents when I was 25. I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. There have been days when I could be found dancing on the couch and all over the house with this and Bad Reputation on a playback loop, both middle fingers proudly in the air. It almost feels like if they just sneak up on me with some super fun plans I might say yes more often. my mother does this. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. Ze might, but you dont actually need an excuse to not provide free labor on demand. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. What is your favourite clip? For a close friend, you could answer more literally. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. My friends do it alllll the time. If you want! I do have a preference for having the What are you up to Friday? question asked first though because I appreciate that they want to respect my schedulewhenever I book hangs with my good friends, we let each other know what blocks of time are going to be rough to fit each other into and know not to ping them too much during those times. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. Not least of which, I never felt obligated to pick up on any of his hints ever again. Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. Thanks to this blog, mostly , Yeah, I also dont entirely understand how the question could be meant to make it easier to decline an invitation. When I issue a soft invitation I am often not sure if the person wants to hang out at all, and getting a Yes, get in touch and let me know when youd like to do something would encourage me to go on and do the planning whereas Yeah, we really should I would be more likely to read as I dont really want to do anything.
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