This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. Press J to jump to the feed. Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months and I feel so guilty. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. Once my tennis coach misread me, came into my house, and gave a peck on my cheeks, in India, kissing is not a social gesture. There's nothing wrong with feeling an attraction to another person when you're in a relationship. My husband wasnt home at the time. There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. I am the same way. Wow, you really do want a baby, don't you. I noticed him kinda touching my hand a bit but I didn't pull away. I merely stated from the above that lips are a part of foreplay. Okay if it was me who did that even thou I dont drink Ill first ask him as if its someone else who did it, like a friend or a colleague and if he overracts then think again but if hes all cool about it then break ice. You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! I took the ride. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. It didn't feel real. Answer (1 of 7): As you have not mentioned your gender, i am assuming you are a girl. i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. So if life hands you lemons, don't HIDE them where they could one day trip you up or cause a rotten stink. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), What am I going to do? I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. This feels huge to me. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. They all agree that kissing is intimate with one even saying that to them, its more intimate than sex. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? female Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. David bit Jordan. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent, So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? Before delving into my own personal story, Id like to address this subject generally. Of course there would have to be a lot of transparency in the marriage there after. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. Generally people dont care when it happens with others but when it happens with them, they may react very differently because human are emotional creatures. For what possible reason? Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). Right,undoubtedly you didn't say what Tillybops wanted to hear. The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. For starters, your husband, even when supposedly immature, didn't kiss HER. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. I'm 5 years married to my best friend. I was drunk but that is no excuse. :-*. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. Own your truth- You did not expect to hear the REAL TRUTH and the RIGHT ADVICE. I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward. Any advice guys? The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. .Houston, you and I have now strengthened our bond (whereby attention and affection follow) by together having conquered a potential crisis which can now longer be called a problem rather than a PAST godsend of a dual warning (not enough attention/affection worthy of marriage) merely in problematic clothing. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. if you believe you have to tell him exactly as you did here , if your friends you were with are also his say he can ask them . Jam, your wife holds the cards. The short answer to your question, for this BPD is: No, I don't feel guilty. I calmly told him that I wasnt in love with him, but I did feel some attraction and that I accepted the liquor and the kiss because I was curious to find out if there was anything between us. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. We were not drunk. So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is: An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. Tell your husband. This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Don't have an account? They say don't tell the wife or husband about the infidelity, because it would cause more hurt. What is he supposed to do with this information? . like, by not investing his heart too much via (wait for it) an optimum amount of kisses and cuddles, etc? I went that night to a bar and began to get very drunk. Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. I felt disorientated. I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A 2. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. I couldnt take it so I told him. I believe, on the other hand, that if you got drunk and kissed someone because you were drunk and you had no feelings for the other person, there is no point in confessing about that kiss because a confession could cause trouble over nothing. You wanna tell your husband? You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? Whoops. A I kissed another guy while drunk. However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . female Take it away, expand if you please! Unforeseeable consequence. Okay. ?We were doing well and I was afraid he would never forgive me. That is what separates the women from the girls. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. Login first :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. Buster was in law school Buster Murdaugh, left, and his girlfriend Brooklynn White watch a video clip from Buster's brother Paul's phone in the double murder trial of Alex Murdaugh at the Colleton . If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. Are you sure all you did was kiss? If it were my husband, I would be upset too, because that would be so out of character for the man I know. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. Boyfriend kissed another girl while drunk? For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I have never done anything like this before and truly would never again. Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. Personally I don't believe in marriage. If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. This. Keep it to yourself. I am sure this girl knows he is married. Don't feel guilty because you are a mom (or dad) and you feel like you need to be spending time with them. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. It happens, in other words. It sounds simple, but if you think you know how to apologize effectively, you are likely wrong. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. I'm not married nor have I ever been married. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer. I love your stories, Foxie. With the other woman just across the room! I know true remorse when I see it. NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)because that's how it works. His imagination could go haywire over that one. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in. I felt disorientated. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. Its more like an excuse for cheating. I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. response. When I woke up yesterday I still felt drunk but the reality of what happened hit me like a tonne of bricks. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. All night I chatted and joked with a group of maybe 10 people, mostly women. Being married is something that can be quite complicated at times. find me on and follow me on. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. What would people say if she'd slept with someone else? I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. I could tell that he had a thing for you. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. That's a long time for kissing. I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? Then (my name) I NEED SEX! I've been Dating a married Albanian man for 6 months already and NOT proud of it.Just wanna share my, Hurt my ex girlfriend, feel guilty and don't know what to do. It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? female I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. I kissed another man four years ago. And I know himhad it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless). My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. I was devastated. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. 4. NO don't actually make it easy for him to have ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this woman!!!! My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. We've been together a lot of today for various reasons, we've talked a little but as of right now, officially I'm still "thinking things over." I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? If the reaction isnt strong, then maybe its okay to confess. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Or run away? A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. Arun, I agree with everything you said here because I was guilty of kissing a guy I liked when I was drunk, knowing that I liked him and wanted to see how much.". - GET THE FUCK OUT. NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! Youre not homosexual until youre actually attracted to dudes., MORE : Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, MORE : These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Doctor explains why some men faint or get nosebleeds when they get an erection, This is the number of sexual partners the average Brit has had, Mum in coven manifests orgasms and schedules sex magick with husband, Post-pill clarity: I came off contraception and didnt fancy my partner anymore, How I Do It: Its empowering to have a guy over and pleasure myself afterwards, follow-up video of straight girls kissing other girls for the first time, Bella Thorne reveals she is bisexual by kissing a girl in surprise Snapchat, These are the UKs most powerful LGBT people, Do not sell or share my personal information. Guilt protects our relationships. I'm so confused. I just knew it. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I reassured my husband that this would never happen again and that I was sorry. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. After he gave me a drink we started kissing and I felt terrible.He then asked me to sleep with him. I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? ;-p He deserves to know. Seriously. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. And what Simone Bienne said on the love line. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' I agree with Vale that the best thing you can do is talk to Cintia about what happened and tell her that seeing her kissing Mercy upset you. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. I certainly wouldnt throw him under the bus -just yet. When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? Shes said thats it. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience.
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